happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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