you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
