you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
