apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
