I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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