ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
