Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
