just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
