I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
