I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
