Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I could fuck to npr.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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