I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize