Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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