i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
