After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
