If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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