Im at strip club and am horny
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
