She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
