Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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