You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
