My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
