the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
