so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize