Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
