every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
