I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
