I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
