Don't you send me to vm
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
