Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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