threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
