I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
