and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
