Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
