and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
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I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
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IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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