So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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