How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
