I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
