I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The air taste purple.
Randomize
