Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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