i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
