Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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