i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
