i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
