I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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