I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
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She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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