He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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