The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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