Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
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I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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