great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
porn star boner night. come get it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
