I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
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While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I AM VODKA MAN
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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