I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
