Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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