I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
