what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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