Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
