singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
