Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
