while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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