you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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