Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize