I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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