dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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