So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sorry about my life...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
