WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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