I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
