Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
