I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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