Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up

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(256): View more from Alabama

'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option

Fav 18 5609 2005
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril

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(217): View more from Illinois

just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good

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(541): View more from Oregon

We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault

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(248): View more from Michigan

He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.

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(303): View more from Colorado

My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."

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(620): View more from Kansas

I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.

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