What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
