I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
