i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
