halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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